Do I follow him home, as promised, or chicken out? Taking a deep breath, I made my decision and pulled out to follow him. As we drove to his house, the struggle between guilt and excitement continued. This wasn’t the first time I’d thought about it, but I had always talked myself out of it before it got this far. As I debated on it, my thoughts kept going back to the advice a dear friend had given me on the subject a couple months earlier: “You can’t take it back once it’s done, so be sure it’s what you really want before you do it,” he said. “But if you’re going to do it, hold nothing back. You won’t feel any less guilty if the sex really wasn’t all that great, so give yourself to your lover completely while you’re there, even if it‘s just for an hour. If you’re going to do it, don’t be afraid to enjoy it. Better to explore every pleasure the two of you can offer each other, then if you feel guilty about it, you‘ll at least have the memory of the wonderful time you had together.”. " No, I just wanted to know if you'd be there tonight," she said."Oh," I said back."OK, bye!" came her cheery voice.What the heck was THAT all about? Was she working for the enemy now? Setting me up for the coup de gras? She had been acting almost giddy on the phone lately, and I was beginning to worry that she was under a lot of stress.Which was why, about eight in the evening, when there came a tapping at my door, I was most surprised to find it was Jane who was tapping. I looked past her for her escort, but there wasn't one."Well, do I get to come in or not?" she said, using an obviously false gruff voice.I stood back and she came in. I winced a little. This woman was used to nice things, and those kind of things didn't accumulate in my apartment."I'm just surprised to see you here," I said."Nobody is more surprised about me being here than I am," she said."You CAME here," I pointed out. "That means you knew you were coming here. How could you possibly be surprised?" I looked at.
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